Wednesday, November 16, 2005


There has been yet another tragic but timely death amongst our circle of friends and lovers. This one perhaps a bit more violent than the others. It seems that our victim, let's call him, oh, I don't know, Rat Bastard, was not only stepping out on our lovely, beautiful friend, but on his multiple wives. Yes, that's right, Rat Bastard apparently had a harem of wives and lovers, one of whom walked in on him at precisely the right moment, or for him, the wrong moment, in time.
Rat Bastard was lying in his bed with one of his wives—it seems he held dual residency in both Utah and New York State—when one of his lovers decided to surprise him with a homecooked meal.
Sara walked into Rat Bastard's kitchen—for he was clueless enough to furnish her with a key—casserole and steak in hand. She picked up a steak knife from his counter and a bottle of wine and walked upstairs to bring him the food she so dutifully prepared. Platter in one hand, bottle of wine and knife in the other, she backed her way quietly into his bedroom. Suddenly startled by loud, animalistic cries, Sara dropped the food platter and turned around to find Rat Bastard shagging an unidentifiable brunette. The brunette leaped up from the bed, bolted for the door and ran out of the house buck naked.
And, Sara, trapped in a mental state that would later be described in court as "not of sound mind or body," took the weapons in her hand and got her revenge. With one swing of her right arm, she cracked the bottle of wine over Rat Bastard's head. It was a bottle of Chianti, so the vino mixed with the blood and decorated the Rat Bastard's pristine white Frette sheets. The Rat Bastard slumped down in the bed upon impact from the bottle, but Sara was so out of sorts that before she knew what was happening, she began stabbing him with the broken glass. By the time the ambulances and police arrived at Rat Bastard's home, for it seems that a buck-naked screaming woman gets the attention of nosy New York neighbors, Rat Bastard's heart had stopped beating. Sara was briefly incarcerated, but ultimately her talented attorney convinced the jury that she suffered from temporary insanity caused by her polygamist lover. Hell hath no fury...Pretty soon, we're going to be able to fill a cemetary over here.