Thursday, April 02, 2009

P. Diddy Don't

Ironic that an hour after I write my first hip-hop related post in like a year yesterday, I go to Equinox and have my first-ever (I think) P. Diddy encounter. I need to wear contacts or glasses to see far. If I'm just working or at home during the day, I wear prescription sunglasses. If I'm at home at night I wear glasses. Translation, sans-prescription I can't see details from very far. So I walk in to Equinox around 3:30 yesterday and head straight over to where the Cybex Arc ellipticals—my fave—are. There are only three of them in the gym. Two were occupied and the third had a drink and something else in the water holder. I tried to get the attention of the dude in the adjacent machine to see if anyone was using it. Walking over I thought he looked a little like P. Diddy, but I wasn't wearing glasses or contacts.

"Excuse me? Excuse me?" (I so didn't want to tap him if it was Diddy.)

He turned around and still not quite realizing it was indeed Diddy I asked him, "Is someone using this?"

"Nah that's mine, is it in your way?"

By now I realize it's him and politely ask him to remove it. I use every part of any machine I'm on. I can't go without at least a 20 oz water bottle, and at Equinox, where they don't have individual TVs—ridiculous when membership is $100+ per month—, a book. That is the worst punctuated sentence ever but whatevs. Anywho, I needed that water holder is all I'm saying and it's really annoying when people leave their shit on machines they're not using. I mean, I feel like I'm back in that episode of Seinfeld where they're at a gym and Elaine likes the guy who doesn't wipe down the equipment after he uses it. I'm reading Shantaram at the moment; it's 933 pages. Since the TVs suck, I read at Equinox, which I prefer anyway. So my elliptical looks like this: water bottle in cup holder, the 900-page dog-eared, India-bought Shantaram on the console, clipped in the middle with a hair clip to keep the pages down, and Wet Wipes. Okay, so I asked Diddy to move his stuff, he was cool about it.

The place was empty but everyone from the trainers to the older, frumpy white woman next to him was talking to him. My celebrity MO is leave them the hell alone, unless it's someone you really love and just can't help yourself or you actually know them. So I'm reading my book, going about my bizness. He's making some phone calls, talking about meeting up with the person on the other end for a drink, saying he's still recovering from WMC, wants to either get out of the house or chill at the house (I wasn't eavesdropping that carefully.) He gets off the elliptical and doesn't wipe it down despite the fact that he was sweating a lot. His trainer or bodyguard or whatever is hanging around in the weight area actually lifting weights while Diddy is sitting on the bench using the phone more than the weights.

So he leaves. I notice how short he is and how he has really scrawny legs. It's a funny episode and whatever, but I legitimately thought his star had really faded and therefore didn't even think to write about it. And I briefly thought about tipping off my friend Lesley Abravanel at the Herald, who's the funniest gossip girl ever, but again thought, 'Eh, who cares if Diddy is at Equinox.'

The one entertainment show I am obsessed with is TMZ. Obsessed. I DVR it and swear I'd move out to LA to work for Harvey Levin. Well, I get home today, play TMZ and what the fuck is on? Diddy outside of Equinox!? They're speculating on whether he shaves his legs. (Not that I saw.) Fuuuuuck! I cannot believe it made TMZ and I didn't tip off anyone. What kind of gossip gal am I? I'm an accomplished tipper-offer and I really dropped the ball on this one, folks. But y'all are the second to know and TMZ wasn't on the machine next to him.

Man, I probably could've gotten paid for a camera-phone photo! Aaargh!