This Jew's Gettin' a Tattoo

I had a lovely, fun, non-Miami weekend in Miami, so that's fabu. Sat night Page Six's Paula Froelich had a book party for her new tome Mercury in Retrograde at this chic boutique that was totally off my radar even though it was wall to wall Lanvin, Balenciaga, Givenchy etc. I went with a cohort of mine who is also a NY-expat and thus we hate all the same things about Miami. Bonding over misery is always a good thing.

Then Monday rolls around. Mondays always start well for me and then devolve into chaos. Why should this Monday be any different? I headed up to Aventura to meet Joni, Havi and Tara for lunch then to the gold dealer and back to the beach. My neutral-colored nips were set to be tatted for color one week from today. You guys know that I'm sure since I'm quite nip obsessed. Ughhhhhhh. You also know that my July is insane. I planned a NYC trip, a Jax trip, Cape Cod and a whole lot of other stuff around the tatting date.

So I call Rosenbaum's office today to confirm that they would have Botox in stock so I could kill two birds. Nora, the office manager proceeds to tell me that the "permanent makeup artist" canceled my appt because I'd called them WEEKS ago and said that I had a little nip infection. I was on antis and it's all good now. They've been healed for weeks. I was fuming. So I made a Botox appointment for July 2. Only problem with that is that I'm supposed to drive up to Jax the day before for the big July 4th shebang. Then—I have Bluetooth now so I'm on the phone a lot more—I began calling other plastic surgeons and a couple derms to see what they charged for Botox. See, Rosenbaum charges $500 flat. Most people charge per area—total rip off. Stay away from those fuckers.

Botox, tattooing; both are important, okay? So I call the doctor a few floors above Rosenbaum, where the "permanent makeup artist" supposedly practices. I get her name from the receptionist—and the price of Botox—and call her directly. She's never even heard of me. She doesn't know Nora from a hole in the wall and was never scheduled to be in the office Monday. Grrrr. But I'm a problem solver and come hell or floodwater, Steph is getting her tatts before travelling.

I booked her for Friday and am seeing her in the other plastic surgeon's office. She charges $950 though and says insurance doesn't cover—whereas Rosenbaum said it did cover. Anyway, tomorrow I must check on insurance, but as of now, Friday is the date. And I guess I'll have to pony up a little more money and do the Botox at the other doctor's office so I can get on the road Thursday as planned. Plus, it's funnier and funner to get Botox while you're actually having legit medical stuff done. Makes you feel a little less guilty.

So, here's hoping insurance pays and that this new Dr. Kane doesn't charge too much for Botox. Oh, and check it—heading to NYC July 5th to the 7th to get Jap straightening that Monday. Squeezing that jaunt in between Jax and Cape Cod. Do you see a pattern? It's called the I'm-trying-to-get-back-my-looks plan and it's quite exhausting.