I just awoke from a much-needed Klonopin nap. I cried in Schwartz's office today. I cried in acupuncture. I cried on the way from the hospital to acupuncture. This is becoming an annoying, more frequent occurrence lately.

Between the inundation of information I received from Larry Norton, the confusion over what my "copy" number is on the FISH test [aka, my HER2NU leve, guaged by this pathology test called FISH; no idea what it stands for], and the fact that I have to face that, should Wednesday's PET scan not show marked improvement, the possibility of infusion chemo again.

I'm not ready to face that option, so I shall choose to believe that the PET will reveal NO NEW GROWTHS. I never want to see Ralf again. I didn't ask mom where she put him. (New readers, Ralf is my couture wig.) That's what we're hoping for—no new nodes and shrinkage of the original ones. Tomorrow the CA 15-3 results come in. I'm hoping (fingers and dried, peeling, repulsive toes crossed) for a number less than 100. Fifty would be divine, but that may be asking too much. If everything looks kosher between 15-3 levels and the PET, we can continue with the current regiment and add Herceptin infusions every three weeks.

I've just come around to the end of unpacking. Having been gone three weeks, well, you can imagine the luggage I'm saddled with.

On a couple positive notes (I can't remember who I tell what, so bear with me) I'm the new (and first-ever) fashion editor at Heeb magazine. I'll be penning a weekly column, a la this here blog, with more of a fashion perspective. As you can guess, Roxy, Mom, Lynn etc will be making frequent appearances in this column. And I got another major mag assignment today too. So happy these things fall in my lap; Cancer is too much of a full-time job to pitch.

Ugh. Back to laundry. 2010 can't start this badly right? Must focus on the positive—like booking my NYC fashion week and Woodstock trip. Yeah, Woodstock in the middle of winter—only me. I have these delusional visions of the Cotswolds from the movie The Holiday. Though I have a feeling it's going to be more like sleepaway camp on ice. With all women.

"Ooh will there be some hot lesbo action," my uber-straight friend asked.

"Hahaha. Actually, I guess it is kind of a Sapphic thing huh?"

Didn't take that into consideration either. So Jude Law will be played by Judy Law? And It's over Valentine's day to boot. Surely there will be a couple straighties like me to bitch about men with, no?