BFD— women's magazines retouch photos! Stop the presses. In this day and age, you're an idiot if you don't retouch. It's virtual Botox and Restylane. Why wouldn't you? I make everyone look better in the pictures I post. Why? A. I choose to and B. my friends and relatives bitch if they look bad.

Yes, I am losing it. I am working 24/7, sleeping fitfully and barely have time even to go to the gym. This is my five-minute break.

And for some reason my beauty picks are truncated this month. Maybe I did something BAD. Oy, I am such a freaking mess.