Sickie Goes to Saks

Well, after staying up till 4:20 (heh) Monday night/Tuesday morning, I woke up feeling only marginally refreshed. So we decided to head to the Saks outlet 20 mins away. Usually we hit Neiman's first and then maybe Saks, but yesterday I needed sunglasses, which Saks has hundreds of. We didn't expect there to be a buy-one-get-the-second-one-half-off sale in the shoe department. So we were waylayed. And then we carried two pairs of mint-condition Choos to the register. In addition: a pair of Chloe shades, a Calvin dress and a few other things I can't remember, but will be a nice surprise when I find them in my closet. I probably shouldn't have tried on about eight dresses, what with the extensive bandaging and all, right? I start to get paranoid and tell mom we need to go back to Plastic Surgeon and have him re-dress me. I called the office from Saks and told them I wanted to come in.

We arrive at the office. "Doc, I just can't sit still and I think I moved the bandages doing something."

"Or maybe at Saks?"

"How'd you know I went to Saks?"

"You told us when you called."

Bloody percocet brain.

"I told you we were going shopping today! You said I'd be 'fine' in a day!"

"And you wanted Opium suppositories? If you think the Percocet makes you speedy well. . ."

"Those make you speedy? Huh. I've smoked Opium before and it sure as hell didn't make me speedy."

But I digress. My bandages were a hot mess, had slid up and down, but luckily I didn't do any damage. He wrapped me tighter and told me to chill out, not lift things and restrict my arm movements.

We wen't home, chilled for a little, then had a two+ hour dinner at Michael's with Ben and Laura. I mean, a girl has to eat, right?

So today we had to return a couple things from yesterday's Saks excursion, but we figured we'd check out Neiman's first. Mom was fixated on me getting a red cami that would cover my bandages to go under my sexy nurse Halloween costume.

"Mom, what difference does it make if the bandage shows? Everyone knows what's going on; I think the bandages make it legit."

Single gals with Jewish mothers, I'm sure you can guess where she was going with this:

"We-ell, what if there's a cute guy there?"

Natch, mom was way too psyched when I found a lacy, red Natori cami that would be perfect. The golden ticket out of singlehood though? Probably not.

I told mom she had an hour on the dot to do Neiman's. I tried not to carry anything, and I wasn't going to try on anything. So as I chose my wares I simply handed them to the woman at the accessories counter. That solved the not-using-the-arms thing. Mom tried on the cami and a sweater dress I ended up getting; luckily we're close to the same size. We would've probably stayed into the wee hours save for the fact that I began to feel on the verge of throwing up. Fucking Percocet. I've only taken 1 1/2 today, so that means the pain is better and I could be done with these fuckers by Friday.

But we're being good tonight; staying in, watching Obama and junky television. Oh, the camping foam—Doc had told me to go to Bass fishing store to get it. And as we were leaving the mall, we saw a sign for that very store. And we meant to go there today to get "camping foam" for my bra, yet, I'm sorry to say, Neiman's trumps all.