Friday, December 23, 2005

Freaky Florida

It's true what "they" say--people's eccentricities do indeed increase with age. Especially those of our parents. I'm now firmly ensconced at my parents' house in Florida, after a rather trying travel experience; 9 1/2 hours door-to-door from LaGuardia. I grew up in East Bumblefuck, aka, Jacksonville, Fla., so it's quite a feat to find direct flights home. And, being that I really only fly Delta domestically, today I had to connect through Atlanta, which was worse than Times Square on any given Saturday night. Though I did run into an old friend of my brother's at LGA, and we ended up chilling in the Crown Room, so all was not lost. The Greens are dog people, and after our childhood dog, Betsy, (see obit below) died earlier this year, mom and dad got a shih tzu pup to give their other shih tzu, Stella, a companion. I'd yet to meet Tessie Lou before today, but was present on the occassion of her naming. While we were in Bermuda for my 30th in September, my mom got the brilliant idea that the name of their new, as-yet-to-be purchased dog should be an anagram of our two childhood dogs, Betsy and Lou Lou, as an homage to them. So, while dining at our resort on the last night of our vacay, mom was scribbling anagrams on a sheet of hotel stationery. We got a little carried away and came up with some rather funny, if not really anagrammatical, ones: Boozy, Floozy, Toulouse, Loosey, Bluesy, etc. I can't remember the best ones, but we managed to amuse ourselves, and garner the scorn of other diners. Anywho, the name they settled on was Tessie Lou. Apparently, my folks have come up with a totally new and utterly bizarre method of potty training little Tessie Lou, which I was unprepared for. After I walked into their house tonight and all the dogs said hello to one another--my dog, Wally, is with me--I was introduced to this new, um, state-of-the art method. What does it involve? Oh, let me tell you: They attach one end of poor little Tessie's retractable leash to the bottom of a chair in the kitchen, where our family, like most good Jews, spends the majority of its time at home, and let her stay like that. Now, the leash is a good 30 feet long, but, still, It's quite amusing. She's running around trying to play with Wally and Stella, and she keeps twisting her leash around various chairs, tying herself up like a phone cord. When not "tied up" she walks around the house dragging the leash behind her like a literal ball and chain; the handle of the leash is quite heavy, and she's probably only seven pounds. Wally is extremely bewildered, as Betsy was alive the last time he was here, and now there is this weird, semi-chained up newbie in her place. My dad just came in to wish me good-night and he had Tessie in tow, on the leash. They actually walk her around the freaking house on a leash. Now, I honestly think I've seen everything. I'm going to post some pics of the poor thing all tangled up as soon as I figure out how to upload to this PC. Michael, were you aware of this???
Oh, and I've just read the letter that mom received from the jeweler in response to her letter--quite humorous, but she won't allow me to post it. ...