Monday, November 03, 2008

Camping foam, which I had FedEx-ed from REI. Two chunks of this will be residing in both sides of my bra for the next few weeks. The insanity never ends.

Purple Haze All In My Veins

Fucking A., it's going to be one of those days. Post-Cancer Stephanie pulled a Pre-Cancer Stephanie move Sunday morning. After managing to put together my 'sexy'—I'm still not convinced—nurse costume and baking a potent batch of brownies to bring to Lisa's party, the weekend gets a little (purple) hazy.

J. and C. and Wonder Woman (or, shit, was she Superwoman?) picked me up for the long ride to Ft. Lauderdale and, okay, maybe, I ate a brownie before they picked me up. The chef must taste. Well, there were already "Spooky Brownies" on the hors d'oeuvres table. Goody! I may have eaten another one. The nurse costume went off well, the party was fun and an hour was added to our night/morning. They dropped me off around 3 a.m.—no idea old time or new.

I don't exactly remember what happened next, people. Though quite obviously, for reasons to be illuminated in the next grafs, I ate some more brownies. I wasn't drinking and was pretty Percocet-free. Gateway drug my ass. . .

Anywho, I went to bed at some point Sat. night/Sunday morning. 4:20 perhaps? Let's go with that. I awoke this morning. From Saturday night. I skipped over an entire day. That's one way to make the week go faster, right? I stumbled into the bathroom this a.m., a little confused at the daylight peeking in and by the fact that my bandages seemed more askew than after the previous nights' sleep. My watch was still an hour later, as was my 'alarm clock.' I checked the date on my cell phone and sure enough, Sunday had come and gone in my sleep. I went into the kitchen to scope things out. The brownie pan was completely empty. Pre-party, I had left eight brownies in my pan. It was a strong batch too. Well, that explained a lot.

So I found myself awake at 7 a.m. this morning trying to piece the previous 36 hours together. It's no great mystery now that about 10 party brownies + Percocet + Seroquel = 36 hours of sleep. On the plus side, I didn't eat anything yesterday—too bad it wasn't Yom Kippur and I could be a good Jew for once—and have now completely weaned myself off Percocet. (L. send me your addy and the rest are yours!)

Wally made it his mission to shit in every possible crevice of my apartment as soon as mom left. So this gauzed-up bitch, who is supposed to be 'resting,' was on her hands and knees for hours bleaching out dog shit and vomit. But during The Great Sleep, Wally's shitting/vomit issue resolved itself; all the droppings I found this a.m. were hard and crusty thank you very much. Another plus is that I get to watch all the goodies from last night today, so don't tell me what happened on Entourage.

But I'm still on driving restriction which makes life a little more difficult and led me to take a cab today to the hospital where I'm now gettin' my drip.

The cab I hopped into, after waiting 10 minutes for it to come, was filled with smoke and the driver appeared to be the culprit.

"Uh, I have cancer can you put that out?"

He held up his hands to show that he was done, leaving me only to enjoy the stale remnants of secondhand smoke in the back. I'm sure he felt great when I told him I was going to the cancer ward.

On another, more serious note, I have less than two weeks to decide what I'm going to talk about at this Heeb event Nov. 14. I mean, I know I've got funny stories, but I have to choose one that's vaguely Jewish. And I'm trying to get the first hundy pages of manuscript in order for that weekend so I'm ready in case there are any actual publishers and/or agents in town for the 'Miami Book Fair.' (It's the Miami International Book Fair, which I think is big in the Latino world but in the NYcentric definition of the media, not so much. It may even be a translation conference for all the fuck I know.)

By the way, I do believe I am still high.

This is the storytelling event. Please do come.