Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Resolutions, Revolutions, Closet Solutions

I'm not so big on New Year's resolutions, as what I set out to do, I usually do, regardless of the season. That is, everything that I can control, I do. Natch, I want certain things that are beyond my control, namely a job, a book deal, career success etc. But all the other variables in my life, I am quite content with. Aside from being unemployed, I consider myself extremely fortunate and there are very few things I would change. A date that isn't excruciatingly painful would be lovely, but, hey, I'm not holding my breath.

On that note, I've taken myself off JDate for good, as I'm convinced most of the men on there are unbalanced or defective in some way. (Present readers and friends excluded of course. You guys are just mentally ill, and I can live with that.)

Since getting back into town, I've resolved to clean out and organize my closets, as I've actually lost track of what I own. I have a wedding party to attend at the end of the month, and while shopping with mom, I just kept thinking, "I know I must have perfectly fine things to wear hanging in my closet that I've forgotten about." It's not that I'm so overloaded with clothes, it's just that due to the lack of closet space that characterizes a New York apartment, one often forgets or overlooks what one has. At least I do. And it's also that each time I go home, I pilfer mom's closet, and return home laden with goodies. Free goodies too, the best kind. Soo, I added some screws to my closet so that I could view all my handbags. My handbag collection has gotten rather sickening, even to me. I've been saying this for some time, yet it was not until I reorganized everything that I truly realized how out of control the situation has gotten. The shoes, too. I only have room in my bedroom closet for two racks of shoes, so the rest are in the hall closet. Thus I often forget what kind of shoes I own, too. Anywho, one of my foremost resolutions is to Stop. Fucking. Buying. Shoes and Handbags. I mean, enough is enough already.

My name is Stephanie Green and I am an accessories addict. If some Jewess somewhere, preferably Manhattan, were to start a secular version of AA that was called "Accessories Addicts," it would be sooo successful. I think my friends and I—or perhaps my mom, her friends and I—could fill out the inaugural class.

And so it was with amusement that my BFF in Miami, who rarely does the e-mail thing, sent me this link yesterday after I'd organized my handbags. She knows me better than anyone and knows my fashion addictions, so I think it's quite funny that she thought I wouldn't know about Bag Borrow or Steal It's a genius idea, but I think I could start my own, similar site. I really should start my own version, as I end up wearing the same things over and over again. So I sent her this photo in response to her e-mail. The really sick part is that this is just one closet. I need serious sartorial help.

I do have other, more profound things on my mind, but as I've said before, the more complicated my life gets, the more relief I find in superficial diversions. The past couple of days my time has been spent on this editing test for a job I'm in the running for, but like I told one of my friends last night, "Job prospects for me are like men: I never get my hopes up." Sad, but very, very true. Especially in editorial, the interviewing process is incredibly time consuming because there are always tests involved. I have probably wasted at least a couple months of my life doing editing tests for jobs I haven't gotten. I'm so sick of it. Often, before I bother with the editing or writing tests, I have this overwhelming urge to say to the interviewer, "Look, level with me, are you seriously considering me for this position, because if not, I don't really feel like wasting my time on your damn test." I never have the balls to do that, but since I've only had one legitimate, full-time job since moving here, I can't see how it would hurt. I'll be rid of the test tomorrow and then it's back to pounding the pavement.

So that's my main resolution: Stop buying accessories. I really have more than enough to last a lifetime. I can recognize this. And you know what they say, admitting you have a problem is the first step. And, ironically, as I am writing this, they are talking about the Hermes Birkin bag on Gilmore Girls. Heh.

Editor's Note: Please do not take this post so seriously. It's not. I do have real problems, but those are for me and my shrink, not public consumption.

And to my NYC girls who are reading this, you're all more than welcome to bag, borrow or steal from me;)