Friday, October 24, 2008

Political Action Chick

Some people give money. Other people volunteer, go to rallies, canvas and the like. That's way too normal for me, and obviously my attempt at 'rallying' was a complete, germ-ridden debacle. So I'm doing my part in my usual, unconventional way.

I'm currently in the place called Jesusville until Sunday. Yesterday as I baked with the old school crew and tried to tune out EVERY ONE OF THEIR REPUBLICAN VOTING ASSES WHILE THEY INSULTED THE DEMS AND PRAISED THE REPS. I was very thankful for my liberal, informed, educated and worldly upbringing. I'm still of the belief and cultural mindset that ALL GOOD JEWS SHOULD, BY VIRTUE OF OUR OPPRESSED HISTORY, BE DEMOCRATS for fuck's sake. But that's just me. And well, all of New York, where my brain still resides. (Luckily, you don't need a brain to function in the South. Did you know that? It's our state motto: Brainiacs beware!)

Okay, so I'm pissed, politically speaking, right? The McCain/Palin signs are all over the place. I knew I was in trouble when, after six fucking hours at the MIA airport, I overhead the Jax-based pilots talking about their love of all things Palin. (God fucking help me with this one, I literally want to start crying when I think about her being in the position she's in.)

Then yesterday's kitchen-baking experience--me and Wally, the lone Dems among four JEWISH REPUBLICANS. Well, you bitches know I love you, but I fucking HATE that you are voting for the Cryptkeeper. (You guys love to call me a snobby, Jappy bitch and make fun of my Escada belts? Well, I looove calling you ignorant, redneck bitches, bitches!)

So today, I'm on my way to the Jewish Community Center to use the gym. I'm driving down a major street in Jax., comparable to US1. Right around where my Temple is, I see a "Yes on 2" sign. "2" is a proposition to add a no-gay marriage thing to the Florida Constitution. Anyway, I just cursed aloud and proceeded to drive to the JCC.

After a vigorous-though-water-weight-fruitless workout, I drove home and saw another "Yes on 2 sign," adjacent to yet another McCain sign. Well, before I knew what had come over me--aside from my usual angry psychosis--I was making an erratic U-turn. I peeled onto the side street, hopped out of my car and proceeded to remove the two offending signs. I threw them in the backseat of brother's car, hopped in and merrily made my way home.
I shall continue my mission later in the day. Yeah, yeah, I know it's illegal, but guess what's worse than law-breaking? Homophobia. Nobody fucks with my gays.

Now that I've written my requisite five-pages today, I think I'll go on another ride and see how many "No on 2" signs I can collect. I live in a fairly Jewish area, so maybe I'll go cruise the other side of the tracks and do my part for intellectual, elitist, liberal, lefty Heebs everywhere. Who says one person can't change the world? Anita Bryant, watch your back, bitch.