Friday, October 10, 2008


When I went kayaking at the Four Seasons CR, I was a little rusty on the sport. I vaguely remember doing it at camp, which was about 18—holy fuck I'm old—years ago. So the cute water sports guy put a life jacket on me, and I just stood there. You can actually see that here.

"What you can't put it on yourself? When was the last time you put on a life jacket?" Lay Ann teased me. (What was she implying that I'm not handy or sporty? Pshaw. I went zip lining, hello!)

My mind flashed back to camp while the guy did the vest up for me. So we went out, had a grand old time, and I never needed the life jacket. While I was in the shower last night for some reason I started thinking about the life jacket thing. I've been on plenty of boats in the past decade, but I couldn't pull up a memory. And then I vaguely remembered donning one on the Las Ventanas yacht about eight years ago when we were anchored at Lover's Beach and took a dip in the gulf.

And then I remembered these photos and this night; I'd seen the photo on my desktop slideshow yesterday, which triggered this whole line of thought. And I thought it ironic and tres appropriate that the last time I was in contact with a life jacket was actually a drunken night not too long ago at Ben and Laura's with Hemley. Fittingly, I was heading to Ben and Laura's last night. And coincidentally, this life jacket in question was for their kayak. Ah the circle of life, my friends. (Sorry for doing this Laura, but it's just too funny not to post:)

I saw plastic surgeon today for the last time before the nip addition Oct. 27th. I was fretting over the fact that the ladies have not dropped as much as they will have in six months, concerned that the droppage might affect the symmetry of the nips. Unfortunately for me, he said they will drop a little more, but not as much as someone with cosmetic implants. If I went smaller, they'd be lower. I suppose that's another consideration, but then I'd be dealing with starting over with the whole massaging thing. I asked for his 'washers' to determine the size of the nips/aureola—when I say nips I really mean the aureola—and he says I'll choose them on the day of the surgery.

The nips, as you probably know if you've been reading, are created from my own skin, taken from just above the pubic area. The roughly two-inch scar will be hidden while in bikinis/underwear etc. So I'm on for the 27th. The last official surgery!! The tattooing in of the color is done in his office. I asked him if anyone's ever gotten a really crazy color like black or purple.

"Uh, no, I don't think so," he said, but I could double check with the lady in the office who does it.

And here's my story on the Prive Salon Mammogram Initiative. If you guys are interested in reading all my monthly columns in Juli B., you can always see them here or sign up here to recieve stories directly to your email account. That's all.