More JDate Sociopaths

Um, the blog is getting a little too personal as of late, now that more than just friends and family are reading. And it's kind of creeping me out again. So I will just continue with my pithy observations about human nature in general and mercilessly mock the deserving dimwits. Onto JDate.

This dude had this picture posted—from like high school or his bar mitzvah, riiiiiiight???













And he emailed me, and though I had no interest, I had to ask about the picture. So I wrote:

Subject:
RE: hello

Message:
OK, I have to ask, is that first picture a bar mitzvah or high school pic? It looks awfully old...

And he responded, within a couple of hours THREE SEPARATE TIMES:

The first:
Subject:
RE: RE: hello

Message:
SG19:

Bar Mitzavh to match yuor Bat Mitvah pic...how about you come see me and find out for yourself?

We can start with your tel #.

(This makes no sense, as I clearly look my age in my pics; they are all within the past six months.)

The second:
Subject:
RE: RE: hello - reply #2

Message:
I just purchased a large piece of Wild Salmon. Now I just talekd to a chef and I must go back and get Sesame oil, Wasabi Powder, Garlic, Ginger, Tereaki Suace, Lime/lemmon and honey mustard. If yo9u want you can come over for dinner. Do you like that? What else do you like? I will get it if you say yes.

(Jesus H. What the hell?)

The third:
Subject:
RE: RE: hello - reply #3

Message:
19:

Better yet, as I will prob not be back to the computer -- call me at if you have the daring to do so.
Jonathan
please introduce yourself as SG19 so I know who you are.


And to that last one, because he was just a LITTLE too fucking psycho, I responded:

Subject:
RE: RE: RE: hello

Message:
you have serious issues.

I HONESTLY cannot believe that people meet their mates on this site. These guys are total nutjobs.

It's official: I'm an insomniac again and I'm an auntie. No, catch your breath, not Michael. My BFF has spawned a son. I will post Silver-approved pics of me and the little booger later.

And in case you're wondering, which, obv. you are since you are all still reading my gibberish:

I'm finally running again, albeit slowly and carefully.
I have been discharged from physical therapy, which means I will now have to pay for massages by the masterful Mike.

And finally, I have a couple new, interesting, writerly projects in the works. So, Daryl, if you're reading, hop to it and get me that info. And if anyone has friends/contacts at The Miami Herald, send 'em my way. That paper is in desperate need of fresh voices.

I will be back in NYC Sept. 21-24th to do some liver and wardrobe damage and to see family and friends. And, miraculously, I have secured reservations at Babbo and Gramercy Tavern, neither of which, shockingly, I've ever been to. Girls, check your schedules and check in with me...

Oh, and in the dept. of the narcissicistic: It seems that those bitches over at Jossip Jossiped again just can't get enough of me. Though I don't understand the inchoherent ramblings of this post, I'm honored to be lumped in with Toby Young, whose memoir How to Lose Friends and Alienate People is freaking brilliant, and Jeff Bercovici, who is a sweetheart who penned the WWD Women's Wear Dailystories about me and now works at Radar Radar.