Pube Boobs, Dickles and Such

I'd nearly forgotten about the pubic hair nips. See, I look at the boobs in the mirror, however, I'm nearsighted so from a few feet away I can't see the short and curlies.

So yesterday I looked down at them in the shower. I laughed out loud—and screamed, natch—when I saw that more pubes had sprouted on the nipples. More!? Could you just die? (I realize I'm totally sabotaging romantic prospects by discussing my pube boobs with a side of dick nips. Frankly, I'd rather entertain you guys than bother with dates anyway. Clearly.)

So I looked down: I have 15 pubes on the left nip. That's the non-dickle. The left ones aren't so curly but they are long and black. And since the last time I looked, they've multiplied like mice in a NYC apartment's radiator. The right boob just seems to exist solely to spite me. That's the one with the dickle that plastic surg will correct when he tattooes in the color. And in addition to the dickle, I have 17—ironically my lucky number—long and curlies. It's really gross you guys. Really fucking nasty. I'm beginning not to be so amused by this, although since it makes for great material, I suppose I'm not totally displeased. I'm tearing up a little as I type this while simultaneously throwing up a little in my mouth whilst looking at them. Jesus fuck me Christ. Who gets hairy dickles except for me? If you guys know of anyone else, do share.

For new readers, hairy dickles are not unheard of during nipple reconstruction. I'll let the surgery post explain that whole thing. (Why oh why did I shave? Fucking vanity, that's why.) I'm supposed to get color tattooed in first, then laser hair removal after, but I think I may see if I can do it in reverse. Fucking pube boobs are worse than a faint shade on the nipples.

Only me, only me, only me.

Oh and on an unrelated note, have you seen the new iPhone commercials where it says they have an app that let's you read MRIs??? What the fuckity fuck fuck? I'm sorry but I DO NOT want my doctors reading MRIs on a screen that small, while at dinner perhaps? That is just not kosher in my book and I can't even believe the AMA or whoever regulates this shit is down with that. Seriously, that just isn't right.

D, what the hell is your opinion on this as a radiologist? I can't deal.