The only time y'all will see me baking--pot brownies, natch. With the aid of Baker Barbara and Alleycat, we had a fabulous rainy afternoon. And the brownies are to-die-for. I had a few too many apparently and passed the fuck out at 8 p.m. last night. And probably gained two pounds in the process.
Now, for the captions. Barbara is a good family friend and the mother of Crazy Ass Nicole (who is preggers btw). Barbara is very spiritual in the yoga-chakra-psychic-kabbalah sort of way. She also loves to party and is a TOTAL hoot. And a fabu baker to boot. Alison and I go back several generations; our grandparents were best friends. And our fathers are still very close friends. So after she ali and I ate lunch out, Barbara joined our baking bash. While Alison and I were preparing the ingredients. . .
and beginning to bake (Alison 99% me 1%) . . .
Barbara blazed in with some more supplies and her requisite stick of sage to balance my chakras. I have been meaning to call Barbara's spiritual healer, but I just haven't gotten around to it. So Barb holds this small stick of sage and starts waving around the kitchen. Barbara has a very high, dramatic, Southern voice.
"I'm cleansing ya'll's house! And I'm going to balance your chakras honey."
"Okay, I need all the help I can get."
"Yaaay. Okay, hold this between your third eye and breathe it in. "
My attempt at reaching my third eye wasn't successful.
"Noo honey, you got to put it so close you can feel the heat. And bend over while you do it."
She bends over and puts the fiery thing so close to her forehead that it's a mm from burning her bangs.
"Barbara you're going to burn your hair! Be careful! I can't do that. You do it for me." Hence. . .
"Oh-kay, now I need to cleanse all your chakras!"
"Okay. . . make sure you get under my lymph nodes and pray for negative results."
"Oooh yeah, I'll get it all!"
She kneeled down, put her face in front of my crotch and her arm underneath my vjajay.
"Oh. My. God. What the hell are you doing Barbara?" Alison asked cracking up.
"I'm cleansing her source! This is the core of it all!" Oh, man. Can you imagine what a great cooking show this would make.
The end results. . .