Friday, March 07, 2008


Well, the pain meds are gone, the drains are out, I have more use of my arms, can finally exercise again and will be by myself this weekend in my own apt. after nearly a month of being baby-sat.

Today marks 3 weeks from the bilateral mastectomy. Yesterday, surgeon, in between my bouts of puking called me his "model patient" in terms of healing, attitude and appearance. And it really is amazing to know that your body can endure such a pummeling and in three weeks time it only feels residual effects.

I mean I'm not going out and running four miles today, but I might walk them.

Also, my finances are finally in order, I'm getting a much needed respite from the south with my trip to NYC next week.

And y'all will be happy to know I've communicated to Bam (formerly known as Beau) that we cannot be in communication until he gets his head together and I get my body healed.

In fact, this is the text I sent, for he never answered my calls anymore. No response from him, natch:

"Baby this is goodbye for now for both our sakes. I must focus on my health and your kids need you to themselves. I will always love you and be here. When you get through your troubles and figure out what you want for the future, rest assured I will be on the other end. xoxo"

I know many of you will think this too nice, but I do care for him immensely and have no desire to hurt him the way I've been hurt. The last thing I need right now is bad karma. It sucks, it fucking hurts and I won't lie, I cry about him every day. As you girls know, there is nothing more painful than love, esp love that you think will stand the tests of life.

But it gets a little better every day and thankfully we are not in the same circles where I would run into him.

And thankfully I have my tremendously supportive and fabulous support network, too large to mention. But in general shout outs to my childhood friends, the Jacksonville crew, the New York Crew, the Miami Crew, the Californians, the Atlanta peeps, the Palm Beachers, all of Florida really, the family, the friends, the family friends, coworkers and the near-strangers who have reached out. And thanks to you readers, whose comments and support I truly take to heart.