My Bloody Vampire

I had a blood transfusion yesterday—I came home from a Chicago and NY trip, had normal blood work the next day. Ta-da, I was super anemic (Hemoglobin almost critically low.)

That would explain the head-rushes, extreme fatigue, trouble concentrating etc. Well, those seem like appropriate side-effects since not enough oxygen is getting to your brain. Thought I'd video my first transfusion. Was at the hospital until 10 p.m. Don't watch if blood makes you faint.

Still Kicking

I know it's been so long. Some of you have even emailed me to say that, which I love. I've been thwarted by the thought of trying to catch you all up, but I've got to give the short version of the loooong past couple of months.

Some of the most important things:

I got a port, making chemo much easier.

I've gained a shit-ton of weight; all in my belly and lower abdomen, which I found out Friday is attributable to my menopausal state and steroids. The chemo I'm on puts me in early menopause. No period, but all the WONDERFUL effects of PMS.

I had a fabulous 35th birthday weekend, with plenty of wardrobe malfunctions. I was a total bridezilla and Mom was a fairly calm mother of the bride.

Lucius is a dream, aside from his recent development of pissing on my couch when he's mad at me for leaving the house.

I got some really amazing birthday presents, and some incredibly generous donations to my Stand up to Cancer team, Dishalicious.

And perhaps the most significant development: Friday we got the results of my latest PET scan. After SEVEN MONTHS of chemo, usually with only a week or two in between cycles, the scan was almost totally clean. The only lesion left is on my sternum and that's too small to measure. Dr. Daryl is going to take another look, hopefully he will think the same.

So, chemo continues until we can't see this spot on my sternum. And I know we thought my life was Cancerous before, but now between bloodwork and treatment and scans, I spend about ten hours a week at the hospital—more on Carbo days. Tomorrow is a Carbo day. Have I told you that a Carbo (+ Gemzar + Avastin + Zomeda + anti-nausea drugs) puts my sessions at about five hours.

Tomorrow, Schwartz is going to cut down on the steroids and, oh shit, I just realized I don't have one of my anti-nausea drugs that I'm supposed to put on 24 hours in advance. Whoopsie. And then I have to call my gyno re birth control pills. Isn't that ironic? Birth control pills when I'm closed for business down there.

Anyway, I'm posting a video of the roast my friends did at my Bday celebration last weekend. I've talked a lot about how great my friends are, but now you can see for yourselves. Mind you, half of the people at this party were my parents' friends. You can see the photos on FB and the video in the post below this.

Stephanie Green's 35th Birthday Toast!

"Steph's Roast"
by Dana Eber Silver
Choreographed by Dawn Dizeo

All: We're Steph's best friends and we're here to roast
That's why we flew in from coast to coast
See there's eight of us and we know we're fresh
Party rockers non-stoppers
But we know you best

Lay: See the S is for snakes

Al: The T is for TITS

Erica: The E is for Emory

Dawn, Deb: The P and H hot

Lay & Erica: Standing over there is Cole the Hole
She's a great friend, but a crazy A hole

Dana: Now here's a little something 'bout Stephanie Green

Al: It's pretty complex and a little mean

Lay: Baby D [Dana beat boxing]

All: Super Steph [repeat]

Dawn: Super Steph's elegant and always understated
But everybody knows that her diamonds are upgraded
We know you like those pearls Roxy gave you as a girl
And you love those green earrings that just rock your world!

All: Super Steph [repeat]

Al: Super Steph has a way to get you all to listen
She writes on her blog and you pay close attention
You might not believe it, you might not even buy it
But when she shows pictures of her boobs,
You might even try it!

All: Super Steph [repeat]

Deb: Now all you Super Steph fans
She loves to write her book
You may think you're not in it
But take another look!
You better listen good to what we have to say
Cause when it comes to her book she's gonna have a field day

All: Super Steph [repeat]

Lay: Now she's the chicest JAPpy bitch from coast to coast
She's got Manolos and Choos but she don't need to boast
She's an ingrown crotch hair, but that's okay
Cause she's the bestest friend you count on any day

All: Hit it!

Dana: [Scratching]

Dana: It's finally my turn to rock the mic
Cause we've been best friends for all of our life
From sneaking out on New Years to riding in Hellrider
To raving at Simons and pulling crazy all-nighters
From sleepover contests to snakes in your shoes
To corn rows in your hair
And putting on our belts girls

All: Ha, ah, ha ha ha
Super Steph [repeat]

Al: Now you party people know
What Super Steph means
She is such a great person
And a little drama queen

Erica: But baby don't you know she means the world to all of us
But don't piss her off cause man she likes to cuss

Super Steph, ha ah ha ha
Super Steph

Lay: See the "S" is for sassy

Al: And the "U" is for unique

Erica: The "P" is for pranks, like pickles in car seats!

Dana: The "E" is for Ecstacy

Deb and Dawn: And the "R" is for RATS
So tell those nasty rodents just to stay the hell back

ALL: Super Steph—Dem big 2 kt earrings
Super Steph, we love her more than you'll ever know
Super Steph, Ya'll get the drill
Super Steph, We're all here celebrating in Jack-son-ville
So happy birthday Mark!
Happy birthday Steph
Let's toast to you, cause you both are the best

Peace out Super Steph