Sunday, January 29, 2006

Oh-kay. I'm the paranoid one? I received this forward today. I know it's well-intentioned, but, um, yeah. I love the "better paranoid than dead" line. I guess I've completely forgotten what life is like outside Manhattan, what with rampant carjackings, kidnappings, muggings etc. Suddenly NYC is seeming slightly more sane than the burbs.

Then again, there is always the New York Social Diary to remind us that Manhattan really isn't so normal. Not even close. ( And these people are much more frightening in person, trust me. I'm done writing about personal stuff here, as now there are definitely random people reading and that totally freaks me out.

I want to murder the genius who invented squeaky toys for dogs. Bad, horrible, evil idea. My next dog will not be given these monstrosities. She will not be fed cat food either, God willing. It's like 60 degrees here and the dead of winter, which means that it will be snowing in April, when I am lying on the beach in Florida. Ha.

Subject: Safety for Women - not humor

We can now add to the list of victims the retired 77 yr. old TCU professor

from Ft Worth whose body was found last week in Oklahoma--and the 11 yr. old

in Sarasota, FL. Because of these recent abductions in daylight hours,

refresh yourself of these things to do in an emergency situation...This is

for you, and for you to share with your wife, your children, everyone you


After reading these 9 crucial tips, forward them to someone you care about.

It never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If

you are close enough to use it, do!

2. Learned this from a tourist guide in New Orleans. If a robber asks for

your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from

you....chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse

than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER


3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail

lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The

driver won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating,

working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc.

DON'T DO THIS!) The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect

opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head,

and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS


a. If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF,

repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF! Instead gun the engine and speed into anything,

wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the person is in the back

seat they will get the worst of it. As soon as the car crashes bail out and

run. I! t is better than having them find your body in a remote location.

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking


A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side

floor, and in the back seat.

B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger

door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their

vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

C.) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the

passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you

may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to

walk you back out.

IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible

places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. This is especially true at


7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN!

The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even

then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, Prefer! ably ! in a

zig -zag pattern!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP. It may get you

raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well

educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He

walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle

or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

************* Here it is *******

9. Another Safety Point: Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying

baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because

it was late and she thought it was weird. The police told her "Whatever you

do, DO NOT open the door."

The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window,

and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The

policeman said, "We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOT

open the door." He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby's cry

recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone

dropped off a baby. He said they have not verified it, but have had several

calls by women saying that they hear baby's cries outside their doors when

they're home alone at night.

Please pass this on and DO NOT open the door for a crying baby ----This

e-mail should probably be taken seriously because the Crying Baby theory was

mentioned on America's Most Wanted this past Saturday when they profiled the

serial killer in Louisiana.

I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life.

A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle. I was going to send this

to the ladies only, but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters,

daughters, etc., you may want to pass it onto them, as well.

Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world

we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it's better to be safe than sorry.