Mars and Pluto

I've been thinking. I know, dangerous right? It occurred to me before I got into the shower—probably because I was debating whether to shave or not—that it's really quite simple to boil down the whole dating thing. If you're single and 'looking,' chances are you are juggling a few sets of balls in the air, literally. I'm not a talented juggler. And frankly, I like to know before I get into the shower whether I need to shave for the night. Anywho, I was thinking, wouldn't the whole dating thing be a hell of a lot easier if men were like girlfriends? Meaning, what if the qualities I treasure in my girlfriends—humor, loyalty, fun, intelligence, integrity, generosity, practicality, boldness, excitement and tolerance—were abundant in the males whom I date?

Well, natch, if guys/dates/potential mates were as easy to figure out as women are, the whole scene would be simpler. They would tell me whether I should shave, what they want to do, what their issues are, what the latest gossip is. They would be fun, adventurous, great partners in crime, animated and well-rounded. They would return or make phone calls without preamble or strategy. They would treat me as an equal. They would put a smile on my face the whole night. I would know that if I'm with them, I'll have a good time, no matter the setting. Just like my girlfriends. We could be at McDonald's—not that we ever would be—and still have a fabulous time.

My beauxfriend highly recommends being gay. I think I'd just rather hang with Wally. And my girlfriends. And my gays. And my straight guy friends, with whom I can talk about anything, no holds barred.

I suppose my conclusion is that I'd rather have one person or no person at all. All these balls flying around just makes life more confusing, not to mention dangerous. If most men are from Mars and most women from Venus, then I'm from Pluto and the men I meet are from Uranus.