Nip(ple)/Tuck

Aventura Bloomingdales tomorrow from 1 to 3 p.m. in the Elie Tahari department for those of you who want to see this hot mess in person.

(And FYI Tahari ladies, this is the only thing that has compelled me to enter Bloomingdale's in nearly ten years. So bow down bitches:) And it's the ONLY thing that could get me to the Aventura Mall, which is apparently the Jappiest mall on earth.)

One week from tomorrow is the big Nip addition. Maybe the girls will look more normal and not *so* fake to me after nipples? Symmetrical concentric circles instead of a blank wall of flesh. At this point, I'm so completely over the boobs that I just want to get the FINAL surgery over with. The fact that I'm going to have nipples, well really, what difference does that make? Is it supposed to make me feel more feminine? Like I can finally get back out there and be a normal single gal since I'll have nips? The truth remains that I've felt like a normal single girl for some time despite being sans-nips. Now, if I were to have had a blind date or something like that, it would've certainly been awkward telling him about the no-nip thing. Okay, so I guess the nips are a non-issue cause I'm not dating and therefore the only people who've felt the girls lately are my friends. But through the clothes at least, the dudes doing the feeling up don't seem to notice the lack of.

You know what would make me feel hotter and more like a woman? Fitting into my fucking jeans. Is it possible Plastic Surg could lipo water weight? Or would my body just generate more fluids? Ugh.

So I threw up this morning and had to take an Emend—a hardcore anti-nausea pill left over from chemo. It really does take up to six months for the fucking jet fuel to worm its way out of my body. Good God bring me normalcy again, please.

If you didn't check out Living Proof on Lifetime last night, watch it tonight at 8 p.m. I learned a ton about Herceptin that I didn't know about. Amazing story. Amazing doctor who literally saved thousands upon thousands of Stage IV breast ca women. Fab cast as well.

And even I (close observer of society as I am), didn't realize that Lilly Tartikoff was the primary fundraising force behind this drug. All I need now is my Hollywood husband so that I can be a badass fundraiser like her. A Hollywood husband who doesn't pay much attention to nipples, that is.