Random Thoughts by Stephanie Green

1. The Ritz-Carlton chain needs to make up its mind whether it likes dogs or not. Mom, Dad and I had to Anne-Frank Wally into the Orlando property today. (Yeah, I drove seven hours roundtrip today to deliver my baby to Mom and Dad, who were in ORL for a legal conference. So that he could stay with them for the four days I'll be in NY. Psycho dog mommy. Oddly enough, Mom bought me several pairs of Hanky Pankys. Odd because I found myself thinking the other day: 'Hmmm Chad must really think my underwear is getting ratty. Must get more.' Yup, Acupuncturist is the only straight male who see's my undies nowadays.

2. Memo to tourists visiting Miami: Just because you are in Miami, does NOT mean it's okay to carry spring/summer handbags. It's fucking February and it's in the 50s here. Simply unacceptable.

3. I loathe tourists. I really do.

4. No, I'm not at the Super Bowl. If I were, I'd be too paranoid about being a captive audience for terrorists. I don't even think I'd have gone if I'd been invited to someone's box. Ooh, that sounded dirty.

5. Wally is pooping in the house again. Thus, this a.m. I awoke to shit all over my yoga mat. My specially-ordered one. Not to mention several ancillary shit spatterings in the living room.

6. I'm so bad at eBay, that I accidentally sold that Dior bag for $200 via a "Last Chance Offer." I've chosen to think of it as a fashion mitzvah and let it go.

7. Friday I took my mentor Gary—editor in chief of ESPN magazine—shopping at Target. My first male personal shopping excursion. He bought me a flat iron. It was just as much fun as Bergdorf's, cause he's just that fun. Moreover, I can't imagine that him pleasantly shouting across the store, making conversation with strangers would've gone over that well at Bergdorf. Gary has the immense privilege of being the first reader of Cancer Is the New Black.

Speaking of whom, shameless plug for Gary's recently reissued book: Why Smart People Make Big Money Mistakes. I'm totally going to read this one; "Big Money Mistakes" could be my first name.

8. My back still hurts. My clavicle/sternum hurts. I had two acupuncture sessions and a massage at Equinox this week and I'm still in pain. I have plenty of Vicodin, but I hate how it makes breathing labored. Haven't done yoga in weeks.

9. I have no appetite without weed. I cannot smoke weed. Therefore, today I've eaten: a banana, most of a mediocre veggie sandwich from the aforementioned Ritz and part of a fruit salad, which I'm nibbling on now just to have something in my body. But seriously no appetite. I may actually have to start taking Marinol. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

10. Tomorrow is Herceptin number two out of three (then the PET to see if it's working.) Will the painful side-effects get worse cumulatively or will my body acclimate? Who the fuck knows. I cannot deal with this waiting. I scheduled a bone scan on Wednesday just for my own information. That suspicious spot on my hip that showed up in the PET—well, I wanna know exactly what it is, measurements etc. Not to mention I want to know what other bones have lesions. Will I even want to get the results before I leave for NY Thursday, or shall I wait till I get back, so that if it's bad news it won't ruin my trip.

11. Cancer sucks even worse the second time around. I'm becoming fatalistic again. How can I not be? I've considered drafting a will, but I (seriously) cannot work out who would get my jewelry. Dana would be the obvious choice, but she can't even keep track of her keys. My shoes would go to Mom; clothes I don't know. A free-for-all amongst my NY girlfriends probably.

12. I have no idea who the fuck TPain (sp) is and I don't care. Moreover, I have no idea who Little Wayne (sp) is or what he has done to earn himself a spot in the "We Are the World" remake.

14. OMG, just switched back to the Super Bowl and the Saints are winning. Fierce! That city deserves something.