Thursday, September 09, 2010

You've come a long way, boobie

This is an older post I forgot to publish!

OMG, it's been so long, not even sure if I've got readers anymore. I've had blog burnout. And things are just happening so fast that I've got no time to devote to Dish. But I've got an hour before my love Lucius goes to the vet, so what the hell.

The thing that is occupying my thoughts the most right now—I really wish I could get over this Jewish Girl Obsession—is how fat I've gotten. I'm not exaggerating. I've gained 15 pounds this summer. Fifteen fucking pounds. This is despite 6 days a week at the gym and thrice weekly yoga. Shopping is now something I fucking hate.

Case in point: I got another port inserted Friday. A 'power port'—wouldn't it be nice if the Power Port patients actually had power over their bodies? The next day we went to the outlets for retail therapy. I'm having a fairly big 35th bday bash in Ponte Vedra on the 25th—cart blanche for a fabulous Oscar or Valentino dress. I wanted to shoot myself in Valentino. Couldn't really lift my arms; great way to shop. I left Sawgrass completely empty-handed. Soooooo depressing.

In this out-of-control life we Cancer Patients lead, our bodies are the one thing we can control. And usually chemo sheds weight!!! My Marinol addiction counteracts that, however. Quit, you say? Then what? Do you know how boring a single gal's life is sitting at home watching TV.

Everyone: "Why don't you go out then? You've got plenty of friends, are invited to the most 'fabulous' events etc."

Do you know how hard it is being almost 35 with Cancer, pretending to be happy amongst my friends, most of whom have fabulous, healthy, lucky lives. Moreover, I don't drink but like once a month now, and I hate going out to dinner cause I can't count calories. I told you I'm obsessed. I SO hate my body right now.