Thursday, September 24, 2009

"Crapula Scapula," Take 666

Can the director please yell "cut!" I'm begging.

I know I owe a ny report, but I am in serious pain.

I'm on two Vicodins, so likely this post will make little sense.

The scapula started acting up again a couple of weeks ago, probably a combo of stress and over-yoga-ing. (Dumb, dumb girl.) When I landed in nyc, it magically cleared up. Meaning, the stress/psychosomatic part of it was kosher. I was home, in the city I love, and I'd made the right decision to go back, cool. Stress-caused pain gone for a day!

But it was a very emotionally taxing trip. Natch, I was PMS crazy woman hormonal. I can't wait to get rid of my ovaries if it will spare me PMS. I don't even know what the intention of this post was aside to bitch about Cancer. About how just when you think you're out, it pulls you back in. About how I wept in temple on Saturday like a baby. About how you always have survivors' guilt.

I went to temple on Saturday in New York. It was thanks to this temple that I was introduced to Dr. Norton at Sloan. I have to be vague about this, but basically I went there on Rosh to pay my respects to the family responsible for, well, quite possibly saving my life. Crazy for me not to realize that this would be an emotional experience, not a la-dee-da people-watching session. Although Mayor Bloomberg was sitting a few rows behind me.

Anyway, I'm saving the more lucid parts of this story for the book. But I found myself standing up during the Mourners' Kaddish (sp? too fucking lazy to spell check), despite the fact that I couldn't think of anyone I specifically knew who died. But I know that some of my readers are dying. And that friends of friends or friends relatives are dying, so I felt I should stand.

I'm fucked up. Can't write anymore.